It's just a phase..

My sweet little girl is struggling at the moment. Struggling to come to terms with the idea that she can't always have her own way.  Its seems that at the moment we can't go a day, or often even an hour without her stamping her feet and shouting at us "But I want to do what I want to do!"  There have been a lot of tears recently - and not just from her.  "It's just a phase, it's just a phase.." has become our mantra, as we try to stay calm.  But we don't always succeed.  

My initial emotion is anger, I am embarrassed and dismayed by her behaviour, particularly when she acts like this in public. I wonder who this little brat is and where my sweet daughter has gone?  I feel rather disloyal telling you this - I'm worried that you'll believe that my girl is a brat (she's not, she's usually very caring and considerate) - I'm also worried that you'll think I'm a bad parent. (Incidentally, when did parenting become a competitive sport? Surely we have enough to deal with without constantly comparing ourselves to others and trying to 'win'? Anyway; that's a topic for another day…)  I'm tempted to stop writing here, to delete this post and pretend that my children are angels, but I won't. I want to share this in case you've ever felt this way about your kids. I want you to know that you're not alone. 

So, my 4 year old is having tantrums and lashing out because she can't have her own way and i am feeling angry and upset, not least because, in that moment, I don't honestly like my child very much. It's a horrible feeling; I feel like I have failed as a parent.

So yesterday, in the middle of yet another meltdown I made a decision. I decided that getting angry wasn't going to help and that the only useful thing I could do was to find some compassion for her struggles.  I had to try to remember what it feels like to be living in a world where you don't yet understand the rules, trying to test the boundaries to find out how things work and what we can and can't do. She is simply trying to make sense of the world and she is struggling to accept that she won't always get her own way.  It's a harsh lesson after all, and one that many of us perhaps never fully learn to accept.  

All I can do is acknowledge how she is feeling and tell her that I understand that she is struggling, and to give her some sympathy. As difficult as this phase is for me, it's 10 times harder for her.  I think it has helped. I'm pretty sure that she now knows I'm on her side and am trying to help, not just trying to thwart her. I certainly feel more positive now and I know things will get better, soon.  After all, it's just a phase...

My new Etsy Store is open! Roaaarrrr!

I'm still working on setting up the pattern shop for this website, but in the meantime, I'm very excited to say that I've got an Etsy store up and running!

https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/Stitchandwillow

These super cute little animal masks are up for sale and I hope to soon have the patterns for them up too so that you can make them yourself if you would like to. I'm also planning to have instructions on how they can be made without a sewing machine so that you really will have no excuse!

I'm starting small (literally) while I get the hang of this new software for pattern making, not to mention all the other things that I need to learn about, but I've got some very big ideas so I hope you'll hang in there and keep coming back to see what I'm up to.

I can't tell you how happy I am, to feel like I'm finally on my way to doing what I love, on my way to living my dream and doing the thing that I've been wanting to do since Ella was born 4 years ago.  There have been a lot of late nights recently, and a lot of anxiety and insecurity of course, but more than anything else just an overwhelming feeling of excitement and satisfaction.  I have spent way too long wishing for a change but not making the effort required to enact that change. Of course there is always the fear of failure, but really, when it comes to things like this the only failure is to not try.  Perhaps I won't succeed, perhaps I'll decide that this isn't what I want to do after all, but at least I'll know that I gave it my best shot. There will be no regrets and I will be free to follow another dream.

The strangest thing is that I've discovered that I actually LIKE the fear which has been holding me back all this time, I really do like it - it's exhilarating - it's like jumping off a cliff - because it really is true that you can't experience one extreme without the other; yes there is fear but there is also elation, and it's wonderful!

Thank you for stopping by.  Go and do something that you're afraid of!

Fabric Basket Tutorial

Happy New Year!

Before Christmas fades into distant memory I thought it'd be nice to share a tutorial for one of my favourite handmade gifts this year; these lovely little fabric baskets.  They are very quick and easy to make and there is no pattern needed.  The baskets can be made any size - I like them with a 16cm diameter, but the hubby was asking if I could make some which were waste paper basket sized, which of course you could.

I think they are also really nice as a little nested set of 2 or 3, with each one a few centimetres bigger than the one before it.  The tops can be folded down once or twice depending on the contents of the basket.

Don't you love this fabric combination?  These are actually some bits that I had left over from the Sew Liberated 'Gathering Apron' which I made a few weeks ago for myself - I'll take some pictures and post that soon too.

For the baskets, you will need:

Linen or hessian fabric for the outer

Printed cotton for the lining

Heavy weight fusible interfacing

Step 1: Calculate measurements and cut pattern pieces:

Choose a bowl or plate which is roughly the diameter which you want for your baskets and use it as a template for the base of the basket. Cut one each from the outer, lining and interfacing.

As we will be working with 1cm seam allowances, the base of your basket will eventually have a diameter which is 2cm less than the circle you have cut. Calculate the circumference of your basket by multiplying the the diameter (minus 2) by Pi (3.14). Then add 2cm for the side seam allowance. If only my high school maths teacher could have pointed out that maths would be useful for sewing patterns I might have paid more attention…

For example, I drew around a bowl which had a diameter of 18cm.

My basket diameter is 18 - 2 = 16cm.

The circumference of my basket will need to be 16 x 3.14 = 50cm approx

Add 2cm seam allowances: 50 + 2 = 52cm

So I need to cut a side piece with a length of 52 cm.

The height of the sides will be 1.5 x diameter of finished base; 1.5 x 16 = 24cm. This gives the basket a nice height and allows for the sides to be folded over at the top.

So, for the sides cut 3 pieces measuring 52 x 24, one each from the outer, lining and interfacing.

Step 2: Affix the interfacing and sew the outer and lining baskets.

Using a hot iron with no steam, fuse the interfacing to the outer basket pieces. The linen / hessian tends to stretch significantly on the bias so the interfacing stabilises it as well as adding structure to the basket.

Working first with the basket outer pieces, fold the edge piece along its length to bring both short edges together with right sides facing. Sew along the short edges with a 1 cm seam to form a tube. Press seam open.

Join base to edges.  With right sides together, place the base inside the tube, aligning the edge of the circle with the edge of the tube. Join the base to the sides with a 1cm seam. Work slowly, pulling the base around to match the edge of the sides. Lift the presser foot frequently (leave the needle down to keep your work in place) to allow the fabric to relax back into place. Sew all the way around the base.

Watch out for stray crocodiles while doing this...

Trim seams to a few mm then repeat to form the basket lining.

Step 3; Join the lining and outer pieces.

Turn the basket lining to the right side and place it inside the outer piece, with right sides together.  Push the lining right into the outer, ensuring that the bottom seams align. The outer edges should match up. Sew around the top of the basket leaving a 5cm hole for turning. Backstitch at either side of the turning.  

Pull the basket to the right side, through the turning hole.  Push the lining into the outer and press the sides, folding the fabric at the turning hole to the inside.  Topstitch right around the top of the basket, sealing the hole.

Fold the top of the basket down to show the lining on the outside. 

I have deliberately left them un-ironed (which may or may not be a real word) because I love the way they almost look like crumpled paper bags.   What do you think?  Would you have a go at making these? I'd love to see how you got on.  What was your favourite handmade gift this year? 

Wrapping up an exciting project...

Literally.  I'm so excited to finally have this finished and ready to post.  This is the book that I wrote (quite a while ago now) while I was on maternity leave with little Jacob.  It's a book for new mums and it's full of little sewing projects and ideas on how to get the most out of your first year with your new baby.  I did approach some editors to see if they would be interested in publishing it but they mostly told me that they wouldn't publish craft books unless the author already had a big online following. Which I don't. So that was that. I was all too ready to believe that my book wasn't good enough (my interpretation of their kind rejections) so feeling slightly embarrassed about having tried at all, I put it on the shelf and mostly forgot about it for a while.

Then, last May during a trip back to the UK to visit my family, my little sister discovered that she was pregnant with her first baby. It was so wonderful to be there with her at that exciting time and to share her joy.  One of the first things that she said to me was 'You'll have to email me a copy of your book. I'd love to start sewing once I'm on maternity leave and have a little more time.'  I was simultaneously filled with pleasure that she wanted to read what I'd written and with dread in case she thought it was no good.  I've never been a 'good writer' (unlike my sister) and nearly always feel embarrassed and awkward about letting people read what i've written (I feel rather as if they were reading my diary) .  You may well be wondering what on earth I'm doing writing a blog if that's the case - it's a good question, one I ask myself a lot, but more on that later...

I can't say no to one of the people I love most in the world, particularly not when she was showing such faith in my ability, but all the same I can't pretend that i'm not afraid of failing to live up to her expectations.  I decided that the best thing to do was to turn my half finished word document and rough sketches into a proper book.  Something that I could (try to) feel proud of and something that my sister could treasure, so that she could see the time and effort and love that I'd put into something just for her.  

So here it is. This was the result. It certainly was a labour of love, but do you know what? Despite the many mistakes I really am proud of it.  I feel like I have really accomplished something.  I still feel anxious and self conscious about sharing it but those insecurities are tempered by a feeling of achievement, and the knowledge that it will give her a lot of pleasure.  And if it gives my sister pleasure then maybe it would give other people pleasure too. So, once I've had a chance to upload all the pattern pieces into .pdf files that you can download, I'll make it available as a free e-book.  It's not perfect but i'm coming to terms with that. 

Leaving..

I’m off on a little adventure all on my lonesome. Off to New Zealand for the first time in my life to visit one of my dearest friends who moved there a few years ago.  My original crafternoon buddy to whom I am very grateful for her nurturing of my crafty / sewing instincts and who taught me lots of things – about sewing and more.

This was my birthday present from Nick this year – 5 days away from my mummy duties! I have to admit I’m ready for it; after a very busy week of work and a couple of days with at least 1 very grumpy child, I have been really looking forward to my escape.  Until it came to time to say goodbye to the little ones anyway.  Why is it that they drive me crazy all week and then this morning, despite us waking them before 6 so that we could get me to the airport on time, they were perfect angels in the car – chattering away to us, laughing with each other and cracking us up with the hilarious things they say!  Is it just my mindset? Is it just that I know that I’m going to miss them so I appreciate them all the more? Maybe it’s just pure chance, but it does always seem to happen that way.  When I have endless time with them I find myself wishing they would just leave me alone occasionally and then when I’m sitting here at the start of 5 child free days, I regret those thoughts. I miss them already, I feel a little incomplete without them. My excitement is muted because I can’t see it reflected in their faces, they are my little mirrors.  I wish I didn’t have to be away from them to be able to full appreciate how beautiful life with them is. That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate how lucky I am to have them, it’s just that that appreciation is so often tempered by little irks and annoyances.  Imagine how wonderful life would be if we could let those every day annoyances simply wash over us and only hold onto the joyful feelings.

Ok, I think that’s enough reflection for now – I’m starting to feel quite miserable about being away from my little ones and it’s only been 2 hours! I think it’s time that I close the computer, open my book and start to relax into my holiday. Otherwise I may find myself walking out of the airport and hopping into a Taxi to head home!

A Geranium Dress for Ella

I made my first Geranium Dress for Ella this week and I just love it! More importantly so does she. The garden probably wasn't the best place to take the photos - she's rather well camouflaged!  It was just too far nice a day to be inside.  

Such a great pattern from Rae Hoekstra, I have a feeling I'll be making lots more. Next stop a Washi Dress for me I think...

www.made-by-rae.com

No More Excuses

What am I doing?

Seriously. What am I doing? I’ve had this website for over a year now the idea was to use it to set up my own business designing and selling clothing patterns. I desperately want to spend my days doing something that I’m passionate about, something that I love, something that makes me happy. I’ve got ideas and designs lined up, patterns ready to develop. So what exactly is stopping me? Why is it so hard to take the first step and put myself out there? Yes, it’s hard to find time – especially while I’m working and looking after 2 very small people, but given that we have managed to watch the entire 7 seasons of The West Wing in the last 6 months, I’m not sure anymore that lack of time is a very valid excuse.

It has to come down to fear. Fear of failure. The more research I do the more I realise that there are lots of people out there doing exactly what it is that I want to do and I suppose the question that I keep coming back to is ‘why?’  Why would anyone care what I have to say? Why would anyone choose my designs over the thousands and thousands that are already out there?’ Designs that were probably created by people with much more experience than me, with more skills and more knowledge.

I suppose the reality is that I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid that my dream will turn out to be nothing more than a dream. It is this fear of failure, this insecurity, that keeps me from taking any significant steps, from promoting what I am trying to do. It’s ironic really. I’m afraid that I won’t succeed so I don’t try, which ensures that I won’t succeed, but at least my dream will still be there – I won’t be left with nothing. I know this is wrong but somehow I’m still bound by it. I know, or at least I tell myself that I know, that the only real failure is to not try, that even if I ‘fail’ at what I’m trying to do I will, without doubt, learn something valuable along the way.   It may be that all I learn is that my dream is not possible, that it won’t work for me, maybe even that it’s not what I want to do after all.  But even if that is the case, at least I will know that I have tried my hardest, that I’ve given it my best shot and there will be no regrets. I will be free from this particular dream and ready to find a new one. I know all this. I know this is what I ought to do. I know I will regret it if I don’t, but still I procrastinate. I tell myself that I want to wait until it’s all perfect, all just exactly right, before I share it with the world.

Feeling this way I am reminded of Brene Brown’s wonderful Ted talk about the power of vulnerability. If you haven’t seen (and it is well worth watching) it you can find the link here:

Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability

I love this talk. It’s like chicken soup for my soul right now.  It is perfectly, exactly, what I need to focus on.  I need to take a deep breath, put my insecurities aside and start doing what I love without worrying about what other people will think. I must find the courage to be my imperfect self and to believe that I am worthy none the less.

So; Here I am. This is my dream. No more excuses.

The Kindness of Strangers

I fell off my bike on the way to work this morning. Apparently merging to avoid a car that was parked in the bike lane, signalling, checking my blind spot AND using the same hand that was signalling to brake when the car in front of me decided to stop unexpectedly was too much my mortal brain. Result being that I kept on going right into the back of afore mentioned car! Oops. The resultant dive over my handlebars and bike flipping over to land ontop of me must have looked pretty comical and if not then my squalk of surprise certainly was. I should emphasise that everyone was moving very slowly and that I was not in the slightest bit hurt, unless you count being highly embarrassed.

The reason that I’m writing about this is that as I was lying on the road with my bike on top of me feeling like an idiot, about 5 other cyclists who saw what happened were running over to me, picking up my bag, my bike, me, helping me off the road, checking that I was ok and generally being very lovely and considerate. They all took the time to stop and make sure that I wasn’t hurt, that my bike was still working. I’m sure they all had places to be but they stopped for a stranger.

Maybe (probably), knowing that I wasn’t hurt, they’ll all have a giggle today at the memory of the crazy girl who rode into the back of a car and did a front flip on the road this morning. But embarrassing as that is it’s OK. They gave me my daily reminder of the beautiful kindness of strangers, if I can make them smile in return then I’m fine with that – even if my ego struggles!

33 Years Old

I had my birthday last weekend. I turned 33. I had a beautiful weekend and was reminded once again of how very lucky I am to have such lovely family and friends. I was also reminded of how far I’ve come over the past year and how far I still have to go.

I remember as a child believing that adults were ‘finished products’. That they knew exactly who they were, what they wanted and where they were going. I am delighted to find, at 33, that I don’t feel grown up at all. Far from being closer to being a ‘finished product’ I feel, if anything, further away from where I would like to be.  I think that my younger self would have been distressed by this, but to me right now it’s a wonderful realisation. Every day I see that our potential is even greater than I had imagined the day before.  Every day I see things, read stories, discover ideas that cause me to re-examine my own life, my own actions and see how I could be better; kinder, stronger, braver, more considerate, more fun, more ambitious, more thoughtful.  So while I sometimes feel like I’m getting no closer to being the person that I want to be , that’s only because I’m aiming higher all the time.

Parenting is without doubt the thing that has taught me most in this respect. It’s almost as if my childern are able to find every weakness I have and shine a spotlight on it, so that I can see it clearly where I couldn’t before. In all honesty this is not a pleasant experience, and naturally it drives me completely insane some (most) days; but on other days I’m able to feel grateful for the lessons that they have taught me (although admittedly this gratitude doesn’t usually come until the little horrors are all tucked up in bed and I’m sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine and some peace and quiet.)

It never ceases to amaze me; the way in which we are all constantly changing and growing, gradually becoming better, truer versions of our selves. I think it’s one of the things I find most fascinating about people – these constant but subtle changes, the way we are never exactly the same person that we were yesterday.

So here I am at 33. Still learning. Still trying to figure out who I am.  Still wondering what I want to do with my life, and knowing that that’s OK.